If you have attempted to end your own existence and have failed; are you injured? If you
are, then please contact the emergency services without delay.
Welcome to the Crossroads
So it all
went wrong and we're still here, shocked and confused but still here.
Welcome
to the crossroads. We have two choices: One is life, the other death.
But do these paths lead us to an afterlife or a nothingness? Are we standing at the beginning of infinity? Heaven or Hell? Forgiveness or an eternity of suffering? Who knows, but welcome
anyway.
Well, we are certainly not alone in our failure... According to the World Health Organisation, approximately
10 million of us fail to successfully 'exit' each year. Whilst we can contest the numbers provided by the WHO, there are
three things that we cannot contest.
- The attempt failed
- We are still here
- We have to come to terms with this
In hindsight we fell into
the trap of considering our suicides to be justified when we believed, felt and
thought that we would never feel any different from the way we did in the depth of our despair.
As unlikely
as it seemed then, things can and do change, and with them our feelings. We can and will feel very
differently one day. So, instead of ending it all, why not wait until things change. After all, we’ve got nothing to lose and one Hell of a lot to re-discover.
Anyway. Before working out what to do next, we need to come to terms with what has happened. For now, it is probably a
good idea just to concentrate on living in the moment.
I'm assured that taking deep breaths, listening to soothing music and thinking of something which we personally
find relaxing is a great help in managing the present.
Not only is deep breathing really helpful, but having beautiful thoughts or reliving beautiful memories can
work wonders too. Especially if such warming thoughts are accompanied by soothing sounds.
But please beware. Avoid harmful, tragic or painful memories at this time. Potentially devastating memories are best
"exorcised" by sharing them safely with someone (possibly a health service professional) in the future.
Be assured: There IS a future, it is your future and you do have a starring role in that future.
Anyhow, coming to terms with having attempted suicide and having to live with having survived that attempt is no small
matter and needs to be addressed.
Initially we should focus on living in the moment. Try and treat yourself to whatever comforts you. Have a
hot bath or shower. Treat yourself to your favourite meal. Listen to inspirational (not tear-jerking) music. Cry. Contact
an old friend. Watch a funny movie. Pamper and distract yourself. Treat yourself with care and please avoid self medication
Who else knows what has happened?
Just You One Other Some others Everyone
Despite the above possibilities
it is pretty certain that if any others know, then word will spread, and sooner or later everyone will find out. Even the
emergency services are known to gossip, and the news can spread like wildfire. The finger pointers and the gossipers will
finally have something to talk about and this can intensify all of the negativity we need to struggle with. Unless you are
sure that only you know of your failed attempt, it is probably better to assume that everyone knows - or will know in time.
With this in mind, prepare for a roller coaster ride.
Peoples reactions and attitudes
towards you will change radically and will allow them to display their ignorance and confusion in a new light. Many will
whisper, heads will turn and we become the butt of whispered jokes and mocking scorn. Some people will become more attentive,
supportive and thoughtful - these people are important to us.
Our nearest and dearest undergo
a wide range of powerful emotional responses from pain (that we could do this to them) to anger (that we could do this to
them). Some will insist on taking personal "responsibility" for what has happened by finding guilt in what they have
- or have not - done. Some will not take their eyes off of you and one (at least) is bound to tell you to pull yourself together.
Peoples reactions will vary widely, some will respond in a positive way, others in a negative way. Some will be
totally unable to come to terms with what has happened and there will be those who will blame those who are nearest to us.
In the worst case scenario, everyone knows that you tried to kill yourself but failed. This really is s scary scenario.
But, in a strange way it is potentially a 'life-saver'.
As human beings we usually have a tendency to increasingly isolate ourselves from those around us when we
are becoming suicidal.
This isolation didn't do us any favours. In a sense we simply continued to silently swallow pain and bottle up
the hurt until we exploded............. and we attempted to end these feelings by ending ourselves.
This self-destructive 'isolation' now becomes a luxury that some (well-meaning supporters) will seek to deny
us. Often this may cause us to react. Funnily enough this reaction is good because it helps us to redirect our emotions and
helps us to vent our pent up emotions and not internalise our pain. It can liberate us from the prison of our own 'isolation'.
If you are alone in your pain, please do not make the mistake of trying to live through
this nightmare on your own. It will overwhelm you. it is too painful, and being alone really does make it worse.
Try to share what is going on with someone. If not now, then sometime in the future - your future. Try not to be on your own
AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE AVOID SELF MEDICATING WITH DRINK OR DRUGS.
I am aware of how seductive suicide can appear as a cure to suffering. But suicide is a lethal cure which
denies us any possibility of recovery. It reminds me of a stupid saying: "The operation was a success, but the patient
died". Suicide is not a cure, it denies us any possibilty of recovery.
Recovery has to be our sole objective. To recover, we need to heal
we need a healing process. Whilst the fine details of recovery will vary from individual to
individual, the general principles will be the same for everyone in a suicidal (or post-suicidal) crisis. Recovery
has to be our way forward.
In my own (sometimes daily) struggle to combat and suppress my suicidal impulses, I know that I have done everything
wrong.
The biggest pitfall I repeatedly fail to avoid is self isolation. By cutting ourselves off from others - we
also cut others off from ourselves. Others can be a lifeline, by severing this link we are
cutting off the possibility of recovery.
This negative 'reaction' only serves to amplify our pain, suffering and the soul destroyng loneliness which makes suicide
appear so seductive
Self-isolation really doesn't work. Don't do it. DO NOT FACE THIS ORDEAL ALONE.
Being with others and speaking about what you are going through with a fellow human being is the first step in your long overdo
recovery
This first step may seem impossible and it will take a lot of courage. But if you are strong enough to die, then you
are also strong enough to live. The simple fact that you are reading this is a good sign. You are still alive and that is
good. You are suffering and that is bad. But bad must not cancel out good.
As human beings we have a strong survival instinct. Listen to that instinct and remember: You don't cure
an headache by cutting off the head.
If you do not feel comfortable about talking with a particular individual or organisation face to face at
this moment, that's ok. Pick up the phone instead.
One thing we really need to do is phone someone and regain control of life. We can do it - so let's
do it. Someone is waiting to hear from us - even if they don't know it yet. They are important to our recovery process.
They will help us to take the next step. Hey, trust me on this. After all we've got nothing to lose and
everything to gain. That sounds like good odds to me.
Obviously in this moment you could still be being torn between life and death. That's ok. It is ok to have suicidal feelings.
It's not ok to act upon them. I can only urge you to take the difficult decision and talk. Rest assured you'd be doing the
right thing.
In this dark period, we really do need to communicate with human beings and not people.
The difference between these two tribes is that human beings have compassion. People are just faces in a
crowd.
The fact that you are experiencing what you are experiencing only confirms that you are a sensitive human
being, and as such, need the support of other sensitive human beings to overcome these feelings.
With this in mind, the obvious recommendation has to be your loved ones. I know that very often this is
easier said than done, but more often than not, they are the very best people to confide in and support us.
If, for whatever reason, this is not acceptable to you. An excellent source for contacting others who
have been through, or are going through, what we have been through, or are going through is self-help groups.
If your first attempts at re-opening communications fail - don't worry about it and don't give up. Not everyone
is a natural listener. Some people will simply be unable to handle what you're saying. Others will be marvelous. Be prepared
to try and try again until you succeed in making contact with a fellow human being. There are still a lot of them about.
Once this contact has been established and you are able to share your feelings with someone who genuinely
cares, things will begin to improve. After that, the next thing is to find, adapt or develop your own coping strategy. One
which suits you and meets your needs. hunting.
Once you have human support and a workable coping strategy you can begin to resolve the underlying
issues that brought about your suicidal crisis. One thing I do recommend to everyone, try to surround yourself with hugs and cuddles.
They work so well.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOU WILL WIN THROUGH
Remember, if you don't feel up to talking with anyone face to face at this moment, but you are in a
crisis, please speak with crisisline counsellors. They are non-judgmental, supportive and they are there for us all.
In the event that you really feel unable to talk with anyone. Try using text or email messaging. Sometimes
the simple fact of simply writing things down on paper can be a very liberating experience.
