Grieving Our Loss

Whilst many of us be-moan a loss of appetite, others of us proudly announce “I’ve lost weight”.  But weight ‘loss’ is only a temporary condition and bears absolutely no relation to true loss.

True loss (which is to say the life shattering - world changing type of loss) is never temporary. It can and (all-too-often) does cost us our emotional and physical well-being, and sometimes our lives. 

Generally

Right up until the moment that a ‘life-changing event” explodes and “loss” devastates our lives forever.  Our lives have meaning.

When our lives have meaning we have meaning. In turn, this meaning gives us (and our lives) purpose. When our lives have purpose we have purpose. When our lives have both meaning and purpose then we have both meaning and purpose. This meaning and purpose comes to an abrupt and shocking end when we suffer a life-changing loss. From this moment onwards our previous life is gone forever – shattered.

As loss robs us (and our lives) of both our meaning and purpose: We struggle to believe that our lives are not as meaningless and purposeless as they now seem and feel.

Still shocked, confused, miserable and alone in darkness, we can begin to see ourselves (and our lives) as being meaningless and purposeless. We begin to perceive ourselves as obsolete. No longer needed, no longer wanted, no longer significant, no longer valid and so on.

We are emotionally overwhelmed by two types of emotional pain.

• That caused by our original loss.
• That caused by the loss of meaning and purpose within our own lives.

Neither we (nor our lives) can ever be the same again. We, and our lives, lack meaning and purpose. We are hurting.

As time crawls on and the minutes turn to hours, hours to days and days to weeks we begin to feel that whatever or whoever it was that gave our lives meaning and purpose has gone forever. We understand that…

• In the past I was happy
• X was my happiness
• X was my past
• In the present I am miserable
• X is in my past
• There is no future
• My happiness is trapped in the past
• I am trapped in the present
• There is no future
• I want to be with X
• I belong with X
• I belong in the past
• I don’t belong here
• We belong together
• We don’t belong apart
• I need to go back
• I need to be reunited
• I must be reunited
• I will be reunited
• I can’t stay