Recognising Warning Signs in Others

Although a huge percentage of us will have enormous difficulty accepting this...we are all only human. Even those of us that have accumulated massive wealth, power, status and celebrity are still only human.

Acclaimed experts are only human too. Not machines but humans. Being human, we are all prone to making miscalculations and errors of judgement. It is what we do - all of us.

Indeed it is not unusual (for even highly experienced and senior health care professionals) to know with any certainty exactly how close any one of us might be to ending it all.

It is not unusual because (the simple truth is) that we are all 'potential' suicides. Each and every one of us. But an unknown percentage of us are always in the process of slipping from being 'potential' suicides to being 'active' suicides.

This raises the question, how can any of us know with 100% certainty if any of our colleagues friends and loved ones are feeling suicidal - or maybe even contemplating a suicidal act. The truth is that (like the professional) none of us can ever be 100% certain.

However, exactly like the professional, we do have our unscientific human gut instincts to fall back upon. In the absence of reliable information we tend to fall back upon our hunches. Countless millions of lives are saved because of human intuition. Very often these hunches prove to be inspired - sometimes not. As human beings we often base our life changing decisions on such hunches.

Sometimes however, our intuition can act as an alarm system; warning us by means of vague and uneasy feelings, that something is not quite right. Resulting in a weird and inexplicable sense or feeling that something is wrong. When we experience such messages we should not ignore them. They are warnings sent to guide us.

The fact that sometimes we are able to sense things through our senses could be very useful in detecting if all is well with our nearest and nearest

The best advice would seem to be that when we sense that something is wrong, or we sense that someone close may in difficulty and we are getting concerned - act on that feeling and ASK. Establish contact.

If your gut feeling tells you that something is not quite right; ASK. Be direct, ask him or her direct questions and make it clear that you are asking because you are genuinely concerned and more than just a little worried.

If his or her behaviour has changed drastically and your gut feeling tells you that something is terribly wrong and you are frightened at what could happen; explain this clearly. Let him or her see that his or her behavioural change really is worrying you and you are genuinely concerned about what this might lead to.

Please don't raise your voice, mock, nag, humiliate, bully, emotionally blackmail etc. Try not to judge but let them know that you really are genuinely worried and want to support - and not interfere. Unless you are asked of course.

Do not fall into the trap of thinking that by mentioning the word suicide you will put the idea into his or her head. It really doesn't happen that way.

Without being patronising. Without dismissing his or her feelings. Without minimising what he or she is going through no matter how bad that may be. Stress the message that whatever it is which is causing this unhappiness needs to be resolved; and you want to help to resolve it. Point out that the first thing to do is to identify the problem so as to be able to resolve it.

What is really needed is a medical diagnosis. Once this has been obtained, it is possible to examine all of the options which are available to us to resolve the underlying problem causing the suicidal thoughts.

Once a diagnosis has been obtained it will be easier for him or her to see that whatever he or she is going through it is a temporary condition which doctors are successfully treating on a daily basis.

Try to help them to recognise (and obtain) a proper medical diagnosis before deciding your next joint step. Promote and support this area of help.

Point out the need for a proper diagnosis and the wisdom of seeing his or her doctor before things get any worse. Encourage and support him or her to make - and keep - an appointment. Accompany him or her if at all possible. Many nervous people make medical appointments and then fail to keep them. Go with them if at all possible.

If your gut feeling warns you that he or she is about to commit a suicidal act or seriously self-harm, take them directly to Accident and Emergency or call the emergency services asap.

Fortunately, we do not have to rely just upon our 'gut feelings' there are also a number of things to watch out for.

When we suffer a severe depression we experience intense and overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, despair and self-doubt. As these painful black moods intensify; the more insufferable they become, and the closer we are drawn to suicide's classic transformation from thought to deed.

The transformation takes us through suicidal feelings, suicidal thoughts, suicidal planning, suicidal behaviour and finally suicide. The more intense (stronger) these painful black moods become, the weaker we become to resist them. They are exhaustive and inescapable; they drain us of our physical and emotional energy and the (rarely mentioned) Will To Live.

Another classic sign to watch out for is often referred to as: 'Taking care of business' or but (I believe) a better title would be 'shutting down shop'. It seems more appropriate.

Imagine that you are about to move to the other side of the world but could take nothing with you. Imagine all of the things that you would need to do prior to leaving forever. Saying farewell to friends, families or colleagues, giving away all of your valued possessions that you cannot take with you etc.

So, when someone close to you starts to do this (for no apparent reason) and begins to wind up his or her affairs (ie making arrangements to provide for the welfare of his or her family). If he or she is doing this for no obvious reason, he or she may be considering suicide. If so then he or she is already in the advanced suicide-planning phase.

Another classic trait of someone who is being drawn towards suicide is a developing fixation with death, dying and the act of suicide. Not only is this obsession unhealthy it is also not easy to disguise but can take many forms.

A suicidal obsession is virtually impossible to suppress and commonly reveals itself through what we say, draw, dream, write etc. Up to and including researching the different types of suicide. Discussing specific suicide methods. Selecting a favoured method. Finding the perfect 'venues' and actually rehearsing suicide.

Suicidal rehearsal is the most worrying example of advanced-planning.

Suicidal phases come and suicidal phases go. But when so much preparation has taken place; there is a real danger that a sudden relapse, and a momentary impulse can equal = a completed suicide.

When we are in pain we want that pain to end. When we are suffering - we want that suffering to end. This has to be a completely natural response.

The problem is how we stop that hurt. Unfortunately we have a tendency (being human) to self-medicate. All too often when we are experiencing depression we seek the quickest shortcut to escape the pain. Frequently self-medicating ourselves beyond the point of insensibility by means of alcohol, drugs or a cocktail of both.

Emerging from self-medication and invariably things are much worse than they were before. The depression hasn’t gone away it’s still there. But it is now a little stronger than it was before. At the same time we are weaker. It seems like the more we try to self-medicate the more our depression continues to intensify. Eventually we get the message that alcohol and drug abuse only seem to make everything worse. They also serve to reduce the effectiveness of any properly prescribed medication.

Having said all of that, it should be clearly stated that one thing alcohol and substance abuse will never do is tackle the underlying issue of what is making us feel suicidal in the first place.

Having realised that something is wrong and needs to be addressed. Millions of us begin the necessary process of obtaining a correct diagnosis and acting upon it to re-establish ourselves and our lives. This we are able to do by undergoing a wide range of treatments and therapies.

Paradoxically, it is when we are recovering from depression that we may be a greater risk of suicide than at any other time. It appears that this critical point occurs after we have survived a depressive episode's lowest point (rock bottom) and are on the way back to recovery. Research has shown, and expert opinion agrees, that there is a definite association linking (perceived) early recovery and an increased likelihood of suicide.

The theory is that as our depression begins to lift, our energies and planning capabilities may return before the suicidal thoughts disappear, enhancing the chances of an attempt.

In the aftermath of care (presumably following a stay in a psychiatric institution) some of us still end up taking our own lives. Studies show that the period six to twelve months after hospitalisation is when we are most likely to consider or reconsider suicide.

However, for the overwhelming majority who sought and found help there is a whole new life. NOT PERFECT but a million times better than depression and suicide.