What triggers suicide?

 
Whilst untreated (undiagnosed) depression is officially the primary cause of suicide... The question remains...

  
What triggers Suicide?
 
 
To understand suicide, we first need to understand what triggers it.

 

The most common trigger for our suicidal activity is unbearable emotional pain. 

 

This overwhelmingly agonising experience is a deep bottomless pit of anguish in which we (as human beings) feel too vulnerable, too hopeless, too helpless, too fragile, too lost and too despairing.

 

Being too overwhelmed and too alone, our worldview of life and everything in it seems to shrivel: Leaving us with a too withered, too bleak and too shrunken type of tunnel vision; through which everything becomes too distant and too barren. Every little thing appears to be a source of too much pain and too much despair.

 

We 'recognise' ourselves to be beyond any form of help.  As our crisis deepens we 'understand' that we have absolutely NO possibility of improvement. We know that things will never get better - ever. 

 

This, (our) strait-jacket type of rigid thinking, is said to be one of the deadliest aspects that we experience when we have a suicidal crisis. This thinking pattern leads us into the trap as seeing suicide as our only solution.  An easily accessible means of escape from unbearable emotional pain. Despair and hopelessness

 

The question is, what on earth can possibly lead any of us into such misery in the first place? What could be so bad that it could compel us to even think about ending our own lives to escape from it - whatever IT  may be?

 

The simple answer is loss.

 

Not the loss of a wallet or set of car keys. Hair or teeth. Umbrella or homework. Important document or mobile phone -but true loss. The loss of the desire to live.

 

It's not so difficult to understand.

 

Most of us have someone (or something) which is central to our lives. A focus for all that we are.

 

Someone or something (let's call it a presence) which gives us a purpose, brings light, meaning, and smiles into our lives.

 

This special 'presence' could be family, partner, lover, children, a belief, a career, possessions, a lifestyle, personal wealth, status, health, talent, skill, activity, prowess, even a dream.

 

Whatever form this most precious 'presence' may take, it is the most wonderful and important thing in life. 'It' is absollutely vital to our continued everday existence. Far more than being a central support in life - It is life and provides us with the will to live  ...................................and then take it away.

 

Take away the one thing that gave our lives purpose, light, meaning, and made us smile.  

 

Suddenly it's gone, never to return.

 

Everything freezes as numbness takes control as life implodes. The dream is shattered. But worse, when the mainstay of one's life disappears, it impacts on all of the other aspects of one's daily existence usually with disastrous, sometimes tragic consequences.

 

Unfortunately, as human beings such life-changing catalysts are all too inevitable.

 

They are commonly caused by the Loss (bereavement) of a loved one: Lover. Partner, Parent. Child, Sibling, Relative, Friend, Role model etc .

 

The potential loss (terminal illness) of a loved one: Lover. Partner. Parent. Child. Sibling. Relative. Friend Role model etc.

 

Loss caused by relationship breakdown: Divorce. Separation. Loss of everything through Bankruptcy. Loss of Role. Loss of wealth. Loss of Health. Loss of Property. Loss of Career. Loss of Sex drive etc. In short, the loss of whatever it was which made life worthwhile.

 

  • Death or terminal illness of relative or friend. = LOSS
  • Divorce, separation, broken relationship, stress on family = LOSS.
  • Loss of health (real or imaginary). = LOSS 
  • Loss of job, home, money, status, self-esteem, personal security. = LOSS

 There are many types of loss as the following American table shows.

Event

Loss Involved

Having an "abnormal'' childhood  

Loss of the childlike experiences due to the need to grow up too soon, taking on an adult role prematurely.  

Living in an "abnormal'' family  

Inability to achieve their fantasy or the dream expectation of ``normal'' family life while in their family of origin.  

Being unable to make it better in a new family  

Loss of the expectation or desire for things to be better in the new nuclear family than they were in the family of origin; destructive patterns emerge.  

Having an unhappy, nonproductive marriage  

Loss of the expectation of a happy, ``normal'' marriage when they confront the realities of the present marriage.  

Having other than ``normal,'' healthy children  

Loss of the expectation of having children who are going to be better off than they were. When their children have ill health, a developmental disability, or have emotional or behavior problems, they grieve even more.  

Death of a spouse or child

Loss of the loved one who was going to help them make their life better.  

Death of a parent  

Losing the chance to make it right and get close to parent. Continued feelings of neglect, hurt, of not being ``good enough'' to get parent's attention, recognition, approval.  

Divorce  

Loss of the ``ideal'' marriage that was going to make things better. Loss of the ideal of a lifelong partner.  

Financial troubles  

Loss of self-respect. Belief that one should provide financial security for self, spouse, and family is shattered.  

Loss of job, failure of private business or failure in school  

Loss of trust in self and others. Belief that one should provide a source of financial security or high grade point average for family is shattered.  

            Realization that stressful families of origin influence their current behavior

Loss of comfort in memories of the past. Thoughts of the past become colored with the realities of delusion and denial present in families of origin.  

Confrontation of addictive behavior in their lives (e.g., alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, shopping, sex)  

Loss of ability to hide behind the denial and delusion that things in their lives were ``normal.''  Destructive patterns become clear.  

Entering a treatment or rehabilitation program  

Loss of privacy, loss of being able to continue with non-confronted denial, repression, or delusional behavior.  

A family member enters a treatment program and responds  

Loss of expectation of problem behavior of person as being ``normal'' or characteristic of the person; loss of predictability of the person's behavior. Realization that family ``secrets'' are out.  

            Occurrence of natural disaster or accident  

Loss of property, health, and security in things, people, or life.  

Physical or mental illness in family  

Loss of expectation of natural course of events for self and others. Family life turned upside down.  

Lack of recognition for accomplishments on the job, at school or in the community  

Loss of belief in their own self-worth and loss of incentive to continue trying. Reinforcement of the feeling that no matter what they do, it is not ``good enough.''  

            Realizing their loss of productivity on the job as they grow older  

Loss of self-worth and meaning based on the belief that their worth is built solely upon what they do on the job or for others.  

Older children move out of the house  

The ``empty nest'' is a sign of their no longer being needed, and they lose the ``meaning'' gained for themselves by rearing their children.  

            Retirement  

Loss of self-worth and meaning of life based on their ``work,'' which was their sole identity.

 
Loss is part of life. We all lose. How we respond to that loss is what defines us as human beings.